Move in with me, babe

I emailed a guy on match.com today. In his photos – total hipster douche, complete with the deep v and a rather strange shot of him shirtless with the big black framed glasses and a beanie. Okay. Profile? Hilarious! Charming. Intelligent.

ENFJ and other things

I’ve taken the Jung type test before but I forgot what I was, apparently I’m ENFJ too. I don’t typically think of myself as overly extroverted, but maybe I am. According to the website I used ENFJ’s are “anti tattoo” which isn’t necessarily true, at least in my case and yours.Hipster bugs ha ha.

I live a ways from Boston which kind of sucks. But I pretty much live in yoga pants, so there’s that.


[He’d mentioned something about moving bugs from the park to MFA, it would be like a vacation or some weird shit, and of course the Jung/Meyers-Brigg personality test where we both happen to be extroversion, intuition, feeling, judgment]
His response… drumroll please.

V,Before opening up your email I read your profile. You’re absolutely right about the anti-tattoo thing. We love em just fine and we’re both ENFJ’s. I know you’re some ways away and that fucking sucks. I’ll probably really get my hopes up about you and it won’t turn into anything. Here’s why….

Your profile is written out so stylistically. I love it. Us eccentric types really attract one another. Where usually passion is extremely high. I feel that would be us.

Your beanie, your zombie hat, and your smile are all things to admire. It makes me kind of giddy to be honest. You’d be surprised how many creative types there aren’t in Boston compared to NYC.

I wanna dip my toes in the pacific with you. I was planning a trip to London through my company. But might do the west coast instead. Who knows. Are you coming with me?

Are you gonna help me furnish and decorate my North End apartment here in Boston I have all to myself? Are you gonna paint with me and sleep outside with me and stare at stars at night on my rooftop?

Are you gonna help me not burn things coz i can’t cook, sleep next to me every night and wake up next to me every morning? Are you gonna be my intellectually, creative, sexy, and goofy partner in crime? Are you gonna take advantage of my body and walk around naked with me in the apartment and go on adventures and swim out to a sail boat at night by the waterfront with a bottle of cheese and wine?

It’s a bit strange, yes. But I’ve kind of have developed a pretty real crush on you. Coz truth be told I too once upon a time was a seeker of cheap thrills. And over the last couple of years I became more spiritual. Maybe we can talk about it sometime.

Maybe in a perfect dream you’ll leave NH and come live with me. no joking. It’s a city here. You can find a job. I’d be your support. haha. or maybe I’m just the silliest romantic that ever lived. But it’s not silly.

call me babe…

*insert phone number but do not sign name here*
LOL wha?
This may be my favorite psycho email ever. It’s so fucking flattering I can’t help but write back. Maybe I will run off and live with this mysterious man, if I can bring my cats. Ha ha ha.
PS. I ย still don’t know what he means by my “zombie hat.” I am dressed in a costume in which I’m disemboweled in one of my photos, but I’m not wearing a hat. Puzzles!

10 comments on “Move in with me, babe

  1. While I love everything about this message, I personally would never message this guy again. He really seems psychotic….but funny!! ๐Ÿ˜€ You have to keep me posted about how it turns out.
    Side note: I’m also ENFJ.

    • It was too good to NOT respond. I have responded to much stupider emails, believe me. I especially like the part about swimming to the boat with wine and cheese, that’s a fun visual.

      ENFJs account for an estimated 2-5% of the population you know. We are unique. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. The e-mail is a little wacky, but he seems like he may have some personality. Plus, if you move to Boston, we can meet for drinks sometime!

  3. I officially understand nothing about women.

  4. I think most of his email is teasing, joking – he can’t really be serious, can he? But I’m with you, I would totally message him back, if only to see if another email would be funny or just creepy

  5. One of the great things about online dating is getting crazy messages like these to put a smile on your face, sometimes. And sometimes, they’re downright creepy and take up too much of my time to go through!

  6. This is hilarious! What makes it most interesting is trying to decide if he was serious at any moment in all of this. Creepy messages were always fun to me because it meant I could have a laugh and share it with others who inevitably laughed with me. I’ve never received a message quite like that, but one guy on a dating site whom I had never met seriously asked me if I’d join him in his travels across Europe. Sure, that sounds really safe and exciting! Then one guy living in another state started looking at the job market and cost of living in my city after we exchanged two emails. Talk about jumping the gun!

    • Yup. This was a classic. I should post the follow up email if you guys want to see it – more of the same craziness only up a few notches. Needless to say, I had to call him out on the crazy, and after that he had nothing left to talk about but the weather. You can’t lay all that shit out without meeting someone!

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