13 Comments

The ultimate blow off

My so-called love life has been a swirling, tumultuous mess. I really hope this isn’t a reflection of my internal state or what I think I deserve – because I know I deserve better. BV blew me off. Originally had plans for this Saturday, then he moved them to Sunday because his “buddy” was coming up to visit. He ignored me. All. Weekend. Finally was able to get him to confirm plans yesterday. I also mentioned I was having a bad day, which I was, no response. Not that I expect my man friend to mend my emotional boo-boos, but would be nice to give a shit and be like “what’s wrong?” No. Then today, nothing. Ignored my phone call. Finally I was like, “I get it if you can’t or don’t want to hang, but don’t blow me off and ignore me.” He said “yeah can’t. My buddy’s staying an extra night. Can’t hang out tonight.” That sent me into a bit of a rage.

I said to him something to the effect of, this is shitty, you’re being a dirtbag, and am I wasting my time on you? NO RESPONSE.

I should be able to emotionally process a blow off by this point in my adult dating life. They don’t happen to me often, but I don’t think I’m alone in wanting to know why things happen the way they do. When the shoe is on the other foot, I try to be as straightforward as possible, even if it means hurting someone’s feelings. Yeah, it sucks, but when someone is asking for me to be honest with them, it’s really the least you can do. And BV apparently refuses to do that. It makes me really, really angry. I know he’s not the One, he’s not worth the space in my head to think about.

And so as I write this and try not to cry, because I’m a completely over-sensitive baby – I’ll let you know what else is new. There are other options on the menu (aren’t there always) but I’m just a bit cautious. I just want someone to scoop me up and make it all better. I have options for “dates” even tonight (I had cleared the night for douche BV, fuck!) but haven’t made up my mind if I want to be sorry for myself and watch True Blood with my cats or get gussied up and try to make a good impression on someone else in spite of my bitterness.

Stay tuned,

V

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13 comments on “The ultimate blow off

  1. “my buddy spending an extra night”= there is a hotter/better chick

    I’m gonna keep it real here, the whole “bros before hoes” is b.s. if there is some tail on the menu, there is nooooo way I would spend it with my buddies even if it’s out of town I would find a way. But hey that’s just me, maybe the guy would rather hang out with his friend more then a girl

    cough cough yeah right

  2. Best thing to do is to decide, sooner not later, whether he’s in or out.

  3. You deserve better, you need to walk. Would you want to be with anyone long-term who treated you like this? I’m guessing no. There are always options and it’s a matter of time before someone realizes you are badass and treats you accordingly. Believe me, I know shit…

  4. Hear, hear to all of the above… just to be objective as well, sorry babe he is with another woman. Don’t wait around for this one 😦
    PS If it makes you feel any better we have all been there and hung around longer than we should have!!! DON’T xo

  5. OK…so many thoughts on this one. I’ve been in this exact same spot. I do this. I want the man that I can’t have. I’m offended by his lack of interest so I try harder…to the point of “chasing” the guy. He feels chased and runs harder. Then I break down, feel like an idiot, and blame it on myself.
    It feels like BV doesn’t know what he wants. He may be a wonderful guy. But, are you really interested in him because you feel like he’s relationship material for you or because he seems unattainable. He’s not unattainable because he’s so awesome it makes him an untouchable. He’s unattainable because he wants to be… because he’s emotionally fucked up from his last relationship and is purposely/or un-purposely avoiding any real connection with you.
    Knowing what I know about this guy, he’s not ready. He needs time to get his shit together. The fact that he can’t have a deep or emotional conversation with you is a huge red flag. I know you. You are fiercely intelligent, deep, and interesting. You deserve nothing less than an equal who can share some depth of conversation and emotions.

    • Kat: You know exactly where I’m coming from. This made me smile, you’re so kind but I also know deep-down you’re totally right and that I do deserve better. After all you’ve known be for years and have seen me go through the ringer a time or two. I want to be authentic and unapologetically me, and I know better than to stick around for all this BV BS.

      I already an update… unrelated to current blow off scenario…
      xx

  6. Aww, I also know where you’re coming from. :/ I’m oversensitive sometimes, too, and haven taken the stupid shit that douchebags did/said way too personally. It’s ok to feel bitter and hurt right now. I’ve had someone cancel a date 10 mins before we were supposed to meet, and he completely ignored all my texts after that. Total assholes. That’s what these guys are. And I used to be the same in that all I wanted was honesty from guys, but I learned you can’t expect much from pieces of shit who’ve never had enough decency to treat women with respect. This is how I see it, if a guy is already making you feel upset or insecure in the beginning, that’s gotta be a terrible sign of what’s to come if you stay together! Let them go off and make another girl feel miserable because you deserve a much, much better man. Try to find someone who makes you feel good from the very beginning to the end. It took me a little while to learn that things don’t have to be so frustrating and complicated in the beginning. There are some guys out there who know how to treat women and will give us all the honesty and respect we want, but most of us have to meet a lot of duds before we ever find a good one!

    • Manda – agreed 100%. It shouldn’t have to be an uphill battle of games and withholding. I seriously don’t see why things can’t just flow and feel good in the beginning, middle and end. (Not that I expect perfection, of course…)

      It’s done and over with. I’m getting comfortable with the fact that I’m probably not going to have much resolve about things, or I’m going to get some kind of uncomfortable text from him in the next few days.

  7. Oh hey hi hello! Thanks for the shout-out ladies!

    Umm… so. Some thoughts on this and the comments. First, I think it’s totes fine if he has friends coming into town. While this may sound naive, I’m all about taking people at their word. Sure, they may lie to me – but I also don’t put all my eggs in one basket early on, so. If he’s with another chick? Fine, whatev. His lying isn’t my prob – cah-learly given the way this is all goin’ down.

    Second? Sometimes I think we need to back the fuck off a bit. If he says “hey let’s do Sunday” I would respond with “ok have fun with your dude and get in touch when you wanna hang” and AS MUCH AS IT WOULD perhaps maybe sorta KILL ME I’d chill the fuck out and find other things to do until I heard from him.

    Third – is also about what happens if *radio silence* follows the “sure I’ll let you know when I’m free” text. If he’s in? He’s in. He’ll be in touch. If not? Then there’s your answer: you’re being blown off, and good fucking riddance.

    Look. Yeah, people are going to take pressure and run from it (e.g. not allowing him to contact you and jumping the gun). This may or may not be ok. My opinion? You should feel safe contacting when you want to – *within reason*. If you don’t? That’s a big ol’ red flag you need to run from. Sounds like its one of many in this case, and you’re better off. Period.

    Finally, I’d just say this: the things you’re feeling here, and that other commenters have felt, DO NOT MAKE YOU SENSITIVE. They make you a goddamn human being. This shit stings, no matter what, and it’s fucking lame – it’s not how I treat other people, and that’s why it hurts when it’s how you’re treated. Done and done.

    • Hey! Thanks so much for the comment/insight! (I love your post and your blog, btw.)

      I tried my best to be cool when he said he wasn’t in fact trying to blow me off, and I just said something like, “enjoy your guy time, be safe” or whatever. Haven’t heard back since. But I’ve kept other options open and I’ve been fully exploring them because – clearly this guy isn’t cutting the proverbial mustard.

      It’s hard not to put some level of pressure on it because I know how I am when I like someone. And for whatever reason I decided that I liked this guy, and when that happens I sort of set the bar higher – results in the inevitable disappointment to follow.

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