My so-called love life has been a swirling, tumultuous mess. I really hope this isn’t a reflection of my internal state or what I think I deserve – because I know I deserve better. BV blew me off. Originally had plans for this Saturday, then he moved them to Sunday because his “buddy” was coming up to visit. He ignored me. All. Weekend. Finally was able to get him to confirm plans yesterday. I also mentioned I was having a bad day, which I was, no response. Not that I expect my man friend to mend my emotional boo-boos, but would be nice to give a shit and be like “what’s wrong?” No. Then today, nothing. Ignored my phone call. Finally I was like, “I get it if you can’t or don’t want to hang, but don’t blow me off and ignore me.” He said “yeah can’t. My buddy’s staying an extra night. Can’t hang out tonight.” That sent me into a bit of a rage.
I said to him something to the effect of, this is shitty, you’re being a dirtbag, and am I wasting my time on you? NO RESPONSE.
I should be able to emotionally process a blow off by this point in my adult dating life. They don’t happen to me often, but I don’t think I’m alone in wanting to know why things happen the way they do. When the shoe is on the other foot, I try to be as straightforward as possible, even if it means hurting someone’s feelings. Yeah, it sucks, but when someone is asking for me to be honest with them, it’s really the least you can do. And BV apparently refuses to do that. It makes me really, really angry. I know he’s not the One, he’s not worth the space in my head to think about.
And so as I write this and try not to cry, because I’m a completely over-sensitive baby – I’ll let you know what else is new. There are other options on the menu (aren’t there always) but I’m just a bit cautious. I just want someone to scoop me up and make it all better. I have options for “dates” even tonight (I had cleared the night for douche BV, fuck!) but haven’t made up my mind if I want to be sorry for myself and watch True Blood with my cats or get gussied up and try to make a good impression on someone else in spite of my bitterness.