8 Comments

Until the real thing comes along

So BV did come around, kind of. I sent him a text on Sunday asking how his trip to Vermont was. He responded back right away. I had been at my mother’s and wasn’t checking my phone very often, so when he responded asking what I was doing later and that he wanted to see me, I didn’t write back right away. An hour later he said something like “well let me know…” and I said I wanted to see him too, but by then Sunday was gone. He asked me to dinner for Tuesday, and this time I was watching a movie so I again didn’t reply immediately (totally unintentional). After a bit he was like “?” Hmm. Shoe on other foot perhaps?

Communication was somewhat solid for a day or so, and we had a splendid sushi date on Tuesday, followed by a nighttime beach drive/park (like teenagers, hot and steamy). He opened doors, paid the tab (he won’t let me) and was funny and charming and most of all, fun. BV is a really good-time dude. I just enjoy his company. I feel like it could definitely blossom if he were willing to open up emotionally or just be a little less…guy-like? I don’t know. He’s sporadic with his text responses, which range from 30 seconds to 20 hours. I just never know when I’ll hear from him, or if. He seems blasé about me. I’m used to men being more smitten with me, I’ll be honest. I’ve mentioned to pretty much all of my friends that he seems “insincere” and potentially “shady” but whenever I see him in person he feels and acts completely authentic. It’s puzzling.

Also strange because last year this time I was in a similar relationship stance – an adorable gentleman who I worked with (still do, technically) who was an almost but not quite. He was bad about communicating and didn’t seem sincere, and didn’t make efforts to take our courtship (oh, it was more of a fuckship) to a romantic level. Just kind of waiting on him. Maybe it’s because I’ve dated so much, or watched too many romantic indie movies, but I’m always holding out for sweet gestures and little tokens of someone letting you know they’re into you. BV doesn’t really do that. The neon flag is kind of there, but the reason I haven’t surrendered this one is because I think it could have potential…maybe. We haven’t had sex since our first time (he lives with parents!) so I’m not exactly sure if that’s all he’s in it for. He’s hard to read.

Sigh. It isn’t even that I want a “good man,” of course there are probably a few good men (heh…) to choose from. But will I get butterflies over them? Be attracted to them? Probs not. I’m picky as hell and THAT’S WHY I’M SINGLE.

That all said – whenever I’m feeling ambivalent like this about someone, I think it’s  good idea to keep the door open for other options. I have some prospects but none have blown me away (I hate match.com) and the whole pain in the ass of online dating is so awkward to me. I have more luck meeting someone, having a first date with them, then becoming acquaintances with them and THEN hooking up with them years later. Online dating is so out of context, maybe that’s why it hasn’t “worked,” because it seems so odd to try and fit someone in my life with no frame of reference.

Anyway. That’s what I’m doing…until the real thing comes along.

xo,
V

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8 comments on “Until the real thing comes along

  1. I still don’t know what to think of BV. You say he’s hard to read and hasn’t been consistent with communication….might be another e.u. kind of guy. I think your idea of keeping the door open for other options sounds really smart. I used to be advised by my therapist not to put all my eggs into one basket. And I definitely know what it’s like to wait for those little signs from a guy that show he’s interested. Just make sure you don’t have to wait too long!

    • Goddamn, do I also hate Match.com (on the plus side, if not for Match, I wouldn’t have anything to write about…)

      Manda – Honest question because you wrote something that intrigued me, what are the “little” signs you look for from a guy (or anyone else reading, V?) ? I am sure it’s different for all but it would be interesting to hear.

      • Match totally sucks.

        Little signs – things like good morning/good night texts, calling me “beautiful,” compliments (when sincere), being openly excited to see me. Being honest and telling me “I like you.” Simple, sweet, Taylor Swift shit. Haha.

      • Joe, some of those little signs I look for include things like Victoria mentioned, and I also pay attention to those little things a guy does….like giving small, thoughtful gifts, doing favors for me, going out of his way to be sweet or helpful when I didn’t ask for/expect it, sending me random emails or texts that tells me I’m on his mind, tries to find any excuse/opportunity to hang out with me, always seems eager to talk to me whenever he gets the chance, and when he’s out and about, he often texts me to say that something he just saw made him think of me.

    • I don’t know what to think either. He did get in touch last night (I was busy, visiting family that came in from out of town) and we’re trying to make plans for the weekend and are both kind of busy and he was like “shit, when can I see you?” which to me, is one of those signs I look for.

      Still not sold yet though. It just wouldn’t be smart.

  2. Hi Party of One… I believe (have read articles as well) that sometimes people use text messages to create emotional distance and control a situation (probably so they feel safe and don’t get hurt) but in the meantime…. I agree with keeping options open. 😀

    • You might be right about that… interesting. I’ve noticed a lot in dating guys don’t call anymore, it’s all email/text interaction, then you meet. Which feels to me like skipping a step. Thank you so much for commenting 🙂

    • SWFD, thank you for reading us!! I’m glad our disastrous love lives can be helpful and entertaining….I find them entertaining. 😀 I absolutely agree with your assessment of text messages. I recently met someone who will only communicate via text message. Says he “doesn’t like talking on the phone” but I read that as wanting to avoid the emotional connection that is created by voices…and taking down the veil that texting creates. I’m on the verge of a no-texting policy!

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