14 Comments

When hopes implode

BV dumped me via text this morning. We had a wonderful, classic movie date the other night – I get discounted movie tickets from my work, so I bought a couple and we saw Moonrise Kingdom (love)! BV had left his wallet on the boat he spent all weekend partying on (derp). He refused to let me take him out “this early on” (!) so I bought myself food at Chipotle (wound up being free) and a beer each. We laughed a lot and I’m crushing hard. But, I find fear creeping up nonetheless. Something didn’t feel…right? He no longer seemed sincere. I can’t explain it. Then when I joked about me still wanting to go out today (Thursday) I said “unless you have a plan B or C girl” to which he said “what makes you think you’re not plan B or C?” Oh. Ha ha ha. Then he said something to the effect of – not exactly – but if he did have other options, he’d entertain them. Meanwhile, I haven’t logged into match in almost three weeks.

Was it the sex? Who knows. My logical side would think, if you had sex, you’d want more of that, but he started to treat me shittier. Yesterday he drifted out of our text conversation (I’d posed a question in regards to our plans for tonight) at 3 pm and I still hadn’t heard back by this morning. I was more than a little miffed. Being in touch is absolutely critical as far as I’m concerned. Other shortcomings can sometimes be overlooked but I really hate when guys drop out of a conversation. Do you not care? I sent him a somewhat harsh text this morning – something like “thanks for ghosting on me. Unless you were fending off zombies or wrestling a grizzly bear, I don’t get it. I feel really fucking unspecial.”

He responded back (immediately) saying he had worked late then crashed. I said “yeah…”  and he then unleashed an exacting monologue of how he “can’t do this” and that I am apparently “way too intense too soon.” How I shouldn’t read into anything he “does or doesn’t do.” I responded saying I realize he owes me nothing at this point, but that’s how I felt, and apologized for coming off as overbearing. He then proceeded to cancel plans for tonight, stating he had to go out of town for work this afternoon, and tomorrow, and I already knew he’d be out of town all weekend in Vermont, but he would “call later,” what that means, I have no idea. But he essentially scolded me, called me an overbearing psycho and backed out of any connection with me. Just. Like. That.

Of course, the tremendous dark cloud loomed over me as I came into work this morning. I bounced the scenario off my few close friends who seemed to agree he was getting shadier and didn’t seem like the upstanding gentleman we had hoped he was. BV is in LOVE with his bros. Which is fine and good, I have no problem with that…but I felt like an imposter, an unwelcome one at that. A week and a half and I’m already trying to keep tabs on him, is how he saw it. From my point of view…if you like someone, you’re not going to just disappear and leave them hanging. You don’t do it. It’s shitty.

While it isn’t officially GAME OVER for BV, it doesn’t look good. I hate when people are mad at me, even though I’m sometimes mean and impulsive myself, so I hope to make nice with him at some point. I don’t necessarily expect him to follow up but I may check in with him towards the end of the weekend to put a nice cordial bow on the sad, short, one pump and dump affair it was. Makes me wonder why he asked me out in the first place…

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14 comments on “When hopes implode

  1. I was thinking the same thing about why he asked you out. He’s post-break-up living with his parents…he needs to get his shit together. I certainly get why he was into you but why’d he go out of his way to chase you if he wasn’t really interested? He sounds really immature…like he just doesn’t know what he wants. Hope his bromance is fulfilling!

    • I know, wtf! And he chased me hard. I guess he’s one of those stereotypical, simple men that like chasing for the sex but once they get it, they’re done.

      I didn’t even pull out my full bag of tricks for him, so he doesn’t know what he’s missing. Just glad he didn’t meet my cats. Can’t have men coming in and out of their little lives you know!

      • I totally know, dude. I hate when my cats get attached and then don’t understand why he doesn’t come around anymore. So sad.

  2. Here is the thing, homey…that dude did you a favor. He took something small and blew it up (you were in the right by the way, no one passes out at 3pm. It’s fucking text messaging, not message via goddamn carrier pigeon.) While sweet in the beginning, he gave you a look into what the future would have been at times. You certainly don’t deserve to be treated like that, no one does.

    The sex wasn’t a factor. As you said, dudes will stick around for more and even the dumbest of us realize that treating you like shit isn’t the way to go about this.

    There is someone out there who has their shit together and will consistently treat you as you need to be treated, not when it best suits them. BV (which I assume stands for Butt Vagina…ok, doesn’t make sense, but I’m going with it) needs to grow up. As Chris Rock said, when you first meet someone, you aren’t meeting them…you’re meeting their representative. The actual motherfucker isn’t showing up for a few weeks.

    Smart man.

  3. Wow, this guy sounds really lame. I think the worst thing you can do is to try being nice to him because I can easily see him being a dick again. If you’re disappointed or don’t appreciate how a guy leaves you hanging, you should be able to say so without being called intense or over dramatic. A decent guy wouldn’t even leave you hanging, and he’d simply apologize if he had a good reason for it instead of trying to make you sound like an overbearing psycho. Trust me, you weren’t out of line in what you said or for feeling disappointed that he wouldn’t text you. The way he reacted says a lot about him, and the most obvious thing I see here is that you deserve someone who treats you with a lot more respect.

  4. If BV doesn’t stand for something mean you should rename him DH for Dick Head! This is what baffles me…you met him on Match.com right? (Hope I’m right because I’m making an argument here). If he is on Match.com what did he expect was going to happen after starting to date someone? I really don’t get it. If you want a no strings kind of thing go to POF (ew) or OKC.
    I am the same way as you where I need to hear from who I’m dating. If I text you, text me back. Don’t wait hours or days to answer me. I know men that are the same way too and sometimes, yea it’s overbearing but you texting him about your plans and him not answering is in no way shape or form you trying to keep “tabs” on him. He sounds like an asshat.
    If he is the kind of person that doesn’t want to communicate fairly regularly with you and that’s what you need then you aren’t compatible with that kind of person. I know for me, like I said, I need to have some sort contact with the person.
    Have you read the love language book? It kind of helped me realize why I get mad at some things in relationships that I feel are “lacking”. Check it out.

    • Asshat indeed. I didn’t meat him on Match.com though, Justine – I worked with him at my former job (which I left over a year and a half ago now) and we were friends on Facebook. He randomly messaged me on FB professing his crush on me and said he wanted to take me out because he always thought I was cute. Glad I’m not the same way about texting. Of all the weirdness I’ve gotten out of Match, having a guy say they felt like I was going too fast wasn’t one of them. If anything, the guys I met there pushed me faster and I had to ask them to slow down.

      Love language book? I haven’t. I just finished The Science of Single by Rachel Machacek and about to start The Gaggle – I should probably write about them on here since this is that kinda blog!

  5. Oh no! BV sounds like a true douche. It’s best that you’ve been made aware of this sooner than later. Still stings though… I’m sure someone better is soon on the horizon!

  6. I think you should internally write him off; make him be the aggressor again to prove he’s actually still in to you after the sex.

    The glass-half-full view: this shows he’s probably not going to be “the one” material if he can’t behave as awesome as he did before the sex as after. Saves you time. Relegate him to being your Plan C or D.

  7. Simply put: you’re a perfect woman. You should hold out for a guy who appreciates that—you deserve it.

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