Beauty in the breakdown

Alanis Morrissette sings it best – “you choose, you learn.”

After my July 4th tryst with my best guy friend, I knew I’d have to make my choice sooner than later, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. Earlier this week (Tuesday of all nights) I had a completely epic weekday date. My newest crush, BV, took me to dinner – I had a burrito with french fries in it and it was phenomenal. He paid the check without hesitating. We laugh constantly together. Everything is hysterical. Who knew this guy was a cube wall away from me so long ago and I never knew there was future romantic potential? Strange.

Then we went for a stroll along the beach of the romantic Atlantic at dusk. The sky turned from indigo to navy and we checked out the stars, walked in the waves and let the cool water lap at our ankles. Kissing. I guess getting swept off my feet wasn’t such a tall order, after all… we went back to “his” [parent’s] place afterwards, where his friend Ryan was staying. Although I’ve had to involuntarily bro out on 2 for 2 dates, I still had a splendid time. Ryan was hilarious and the “thing” that BV has to offer, more than anything, is laughter. And I like that a lot.

I realized after that date that something could really be there, and the more we made out the deeper I knew that I had to tell K about it and let him know that we couldn’t pursue anything romantic. It felt wrong to lie and lead two guys on at once. So I did, on Wednesday. He took it in stride as much as one can, but made no mix about the fact that the door of romance has closed for good. “I can only ever be your friend. I’m not waiting on the other side of whatever this may be.” Fair enough. I felt like complete ass, but after a lot of internal reflecting, I truly felt I’d made the right call.

Thursday was date 3 with BV. He books the dates before we end the one we’re on, which is so adorable. We went to this outdoor/indoor bar called Station where his buddy works, because apparently this was one of the last “buddies” who has yet to meet me. Then we headed back to his place again to cook curry chicken together and drink an impossible amount of gin and tonics. It was so fun. Kind of like pretending to be married in the big granite counter kitchen, stirring things, standing on my tiptoes kissing him after he lights the grill. Again, laughter. Always. With BV I’m thoroughly present, it isn’t too emotionally intense, and I’m relaxed, and pretty much as “myself” as I can be.

After lingering on the patio with our G&Ts we decided to take a moonlight dip and engage in some SSB – sexy swimming behavior. Lord have mercy…followed by a steamy, bubbly, Bachelor-esque hot tub session. Making out in water is next level sexy. As our rendezvous heated up and moved inside to the couch, I wondered out loud whether “what we do” will affect “how he thinks of me,” much like what Kat and Joe posted about. He begged me to stay the night, and I resisted and resisted. I didn’t have my contacts stuff, I hadn’t fed my cats properly, and I’d been gone since 8:30 that morning and worked all day.

Eventually though, his persistence paid off. And my resistance wore off, evidently, because he passed GO and collected his $200. And then some. And it was sweaty and amazing like it should be. I hardly slept, but he cuddled me so good. I had to function off three hours sleep and drive home at 8:00 to shower and apologize to my cats and get ready for a long day at work.

Meanwhile… my friend A was asking if BV could join for a shindig that’s happening today (Saturday) and when asked about it, initially BV said he was free, then got squirrelly, and has been all about his bromances last night and today. I was secretly hoping for a trip to his VIP beach and, of course, that he would bring his charming self out to meet my most important local friends. Nope. But he wants to come over “later,” which is so disappointing to me. It’s putting up red flags for my friend, especially seeing how I’ve met all of his friends and he’s met zero of mine, and the opportunity comes and he’s doing whatever. Disappointment over a guy isn’t a new feeling, but I was hoping that I’d picked a good one and that he would step up. He’s done everything else right.

Did I fuck too soon? I keep beating myself up. It sucks to be the girl who has to keep staving off the guy, and the minute we “give it up,” we’re a whore and we lose our credibility as a legitimate, intelligent, date-worthy woman. BV has still been present, but I’m hoping that my choice doesn’t negatively impact our chances together. Because honestly, I liked liking him. And I almost never like anyone…

9 comments on “Beauty in the breakdown

  1. “Who knew this guy was a cube wall away from me so long ago” is referring to the movie Cube? If so, you’re a googol times cooler than I thought.

  2. I love BV and I haven’t even met him yet. I want him to be my cat-lady-soul-sister-brother-in-law. Just take it slow, V. I know my advice here is hardly credible considering I’m diving headfirst into a relationship which could end up being a love kitty pool and I’m probably going to bash my head open on the bottom and bleed out.
    But, seriously, have fun. I love you. 🙂

  3. Naw dude, it sounds like you put up the good fight and it doesn’t sound too soon at all. Whether it was date three or date five, it you were feeling it then it was the right decision. So in this case, let yourself off the hook (and apologize to the cats).

    Now if you were handing out HJs 20 within an hour of date one? You could be called into question there but it doesn’t sound like the case.

    As someone with a penis, I think you played this hand well.

    • Thanks Joe 🙂 That’s reassuring! And for the record, he’s told me that I have nothing to worry about and has already planned two dates for us this week, one of which included purchasing tickets. His idea. So cute!

  4. He sounds fun! Three dates is iffy — I had sex with the person I’m seeing on our third date and at one point thought it was too soon. It’s been a few months though and now I’m coming to terms with the fact that if I’d waited longer, then it would have taken longer to hit our sexual stride where things are even better than magical. It’s all about perspective :)!

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