3 Comments

Kinder, gentler dating.

This is quoted from a blog I’m super into, Rachel Machacek who wrote the book The Science of Single. Get there now!

My friend was telling me the other day about his dating stuff. The ah-maze-balls first date that ended up going nowhere because the biotch didn’t call, the next first date that went even better AND she wanted to go out again. And I see him going through everything I did when I was dating. One day you’re perched on the back of an angel’s gossamer wings, the next, you’re bleeding wine and tears out of every pore because that angel dumped your ass.

Dating is hard. And it runs your life. I wish I hadn’t worried so much about dating when I was single. I don’t know how I would have achieved that especially since I was writing a book about dating. But still. That is what I wish. I wish I didn’t get so caught up in the drama and had more faith in myself and my choices and didn’t get creative with my bar of standards – lowering it to the floor, standing on my tip toes with it sometimes. I suppose that just meant I was still getting to know and understand myself, and that’s what you do – you have a ridiculous game of limbo with yourself to figure out what works. But I just wish I’d found a space somewhere in that roller coaster to take it easy with the dating. To not push so hard. To be kinder. Gentler.

I don’t say this in an annoying hand-patting “It will happen for you one day so don’t you worry little friend.” Because what do I know about predicting your future? IT might not happen for you. And that might be okay. Or IT might not happen for you the way you think it will. But I hope that you have your blinders off and can see clearly all of the paths before you for whatever IT is.

I was reading Date Lab in WaPo recently and the date seemed like a good one. He rated it a 4.5. She rated it a 3 but said she probably wouldn’t want to go out with him again. She said he was great but she just didn’t feel it. SISTER: It was the first date that you knew you would be sharing with the entire readership of the Post magazine. I’m pretty sure that means there’s a pressure cooker on both of you. For the record: If you go on a date and you can rate it a 3 (out of 5) or higher, GO OUT AGAIN. Please. For the love of everything holy. Slow down. Give it a chance. Give him/her a chance. Give yourself a chance.

Be kinder. Gentler.

I love this. It’s a great reminder to those of us who set super high expectations of being blown away the second you meet someone. Couldn’t have said it better myself – thanks Rachel!

xo,
V

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3 comments on “Kinder, gentler dating.

  1. I love DateLab! Also, I agree with you — if the person you’re on a date with seems like a genuine and fun person, it’s worth a second date. I will say, I have the same standard sometimes, but it is important to take that step back and be a bit more open- minded. Sound advice, indeed!

    • Absolutely. On the same token though, if you don’t work your way up from a 3 to at least a 4.5 by date three or four, it’s probably time to see who’s next.

  2. This couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. I was on a date tonight that started great and then continued to get really strange, It made me remember why I don’t lower my standards. Great post!

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